Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
