Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
