Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize