I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
