i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
