i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
where are you?
Hypothermia
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
