Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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