Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
