No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
