thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
