if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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