Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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