My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
