He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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