just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think i have herpe
just one?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
