i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
