Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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