It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
