I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will pee on everything he values.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
