I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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