we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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