I think my fart just growled at me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i came on her dog
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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