Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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