She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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