at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
