Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
