Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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