I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
