come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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