yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
