Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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