she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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