My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
