ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
