I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
