operation harelip BJ is a go
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
