I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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