A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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