I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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