Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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