perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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