I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
