there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
