i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
