what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
