My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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