chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
