Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
