I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
