eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
that is very illegal...i love you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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