If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
