Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
