Don't make out with my wife yet
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
