speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
