would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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