So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize