Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
