So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
