People with herpes should wear stickers.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Boobs are out for the taking
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
