just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
