her vagine was all disorganized.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
