those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize