I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
