So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
