I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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