The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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