I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
