just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
