to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
