btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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