the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
