dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize