Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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