ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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