I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
