I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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